Song of Songs aka SHIR HASHIRIM

I'm sitting here reading a summary about Shir Hashirim. I'm not exaclty sure why I'm having such difficulty with what is written but it's making me sick. The text talks about how it's a love story between a woman and her lover. She is constantly in search of this "man". In my opinion, he seems to be fictional, maybe a figment of her imagination. Now, I know that this sefer is supposed to parallel G-d and the Jewish people. And trust me, that doesn't make me feel any better. My perception of the One And Only is not exactly a positive one. So a love affair between myself anf G-d? Doesn't sound too plausible. So where does this place me? Why do I have such issues with intimacy? Is it becuase I don't have it in my life? And yet I look back and reminisce about my past relationships. I experienced intimacy. Didn't I? I was so wrapped up in unhappiness that maybe "my version" of intimacy doesn't count. Maybe I'm just jealous. That is a scary thought. Or maybe it's my way of avoiding reality. It keeps me in my self induced bubble. I don't have to let anyone in. I don't even put myself in a situation to get close to another person. So why the physical discomfort when reading this or watching a movie of a couple kissing. It's a protection of my sadness. It's a prevention from realizing my current situation. I do envy that love and intimacy. I wish for a better life. And perhaps I do have a bit of hope left in me. Maybe just a little.