A friend

Need a friend
Who doesn't
Leave
Who I dont
Push way
Who doesn't
Feel threatened
Or intimidated
One who calls
Checks in
To see how I am
Cares
Loves
Unconditionally
A shoulder
To cry on
A listening ear
A closed mouth
No advice
Just a nod
A wink
Understanding
Sympathy
Empathy
To chill
Hang out
Talk
Someone
Anyone
Who won't
Abandon
Or forget
Neglect
Judge
Criticize
A friend
To spill
To unleash
To tell all
Let go
Pour my heart out
Opening up
Being raw
Bare
To the core
Truthful
honest
Need a friend
Who doesn't
Leave

Whatever

I'm pissed
Annoyed
Angry
At you
But not really at you
Bc it's not Ur fault
U didn't do anything
But the fact that Ur on the east coast is the worst feeling
Ur so close
And yet sooo flippin far away
A million miles away
The distance is overwhelming
And you are not here w me
You are not here to see me
Nor are we gonna see each other
You don't even call
Or text
Which is probably the right thing
And is my fault
Because I constantly
Send mixed messages
About what I feel
What I want
Because what I want
And what I need
Are two different things
Reality is something else
All together
Fantasy is insane
It takes over
And controls a person
In the most unhealthy way
Leaves you empty
At the end of the day
Whatever

Unyielding

A need
Can't be filled
Desperate
For attention
Trapped
Someone else
Me
Too nervous
Scared
Overwhelming
Intense
Unyielding
Escape
Explore
Breathe
Calm
Relax
Dream
Serene
Someone else
Me
Adjust
Address

Lyrical

Let me be myself
With my own light
If you dont mind
Please
For a while
All you do is treat me bad
Why must we separate
Why you do me like you do
When the night falls
When loneliness calls
I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
I still remember everything you said
How come you don't call me anymore
I'm begging you please
Why on earth can't you just pick up the phone
You know I don't like to be alone
It's a quarter after one
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey
Kind of hard to talk right now
I gotta whisper cuz I can't be too loud
Its really good to hear your voice saying my name
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
Maybe I know somewhere in my soul
That love never lasts
I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
Because none of it was worth the risk
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
You are the only exception
All the sounds you make
In between the sheets
Im so addicted to the sounds you make
Just when I think I can walk away

am i

confusion of who i am and what i am doing. why i am doing it. where am i going.  do i even want to go anywhere. why am i stuck. why dont i move. why am i static. yes i have dreams but im stuck. i cant take those steps to get there. i have a big heart. im even scared to dream. scared to think. scared to be alone in my thoughts. scared to be alone. and then again thats what i am. alone. what am i doing. who have i become. who was i. was i someone. was i anyone. did i really lead a life. was that the real me. was that a life. but why do i always think back to it. why do i get sad. why do i get jealous. jealous of a life that made me miserable. jealous of a life. period. wish i had a life. i know i need to build a new life. from scratch. all over again. so tired. too tired. one more person tells me im so young i might smack them. i feel so old. so tired. no energy. just need to sleep. and yet i avoid sleep. hate the dreams. hate how they take over. take me into the past. relive the pain. so realistic. cant stand being stuck in my thoughts. swimming in my fears. nightmares taking over. so i stay up. and then continue the nasty cycle. and i continue to get nowhere.