Broken Human Being

do u think they ever cared about u?

of course

they do in their demented way                   

oh

im not naive

so maybe they r just doing the best they know how

i know they love me

maybe not my mom

shes not capable

but my dad does

thats something

yeah well its not

its like if I love someonebut have never expressed it

what good is that??

i do love

i love lots

so much

my heart is bursting w emotion

just not that anyone can handle

so there is hope for u

but i cant feel it from others

so theres no hope

do u know how mushtherapy ive been in

and the dif kinds

yeah my hands and legs so i couldnt escape

thats when my parents and the psychiatrist were on the same pagei got put on meds they were gonna start taking care of me and paying attentionto me

there was a suicide plan

and then the next day the hospital called and said they had akidney for my mom for transplant

and once again i was forgotten about

started hoarding my pills. never took them. went out of control.ran away and no one noticed me

my mom was so sick

sound familiar?

and u think im loveable

im a hater

the only ppl that i let in are children

i believe u can be loveable

if u wanted

well theres only burnt ashes

u can thank my dad for that

hes just crazy

that hes incapable ofshowing love and being there for me

and being my father

when he is the onlyparent we ever really had

and ive have had tolearn not to rely on him or anyone for that matter

when really all iwanted or need is a hug or an i love u but he doesnt even call or look at me ortalk to me at all

he just ignores me

like i dont exist

so yeah, its prettyhard to function alone in this world

no i dont win

bc i should be a biggirl and use my fake tough girl act and just deal w it

and move on w my life

and stop letting themaffect me so much and ruin me to the core

and i have accomplishednothing

i am crippled