Plan a....

Worthless
Piece
Of
Shit
Meaningless
Lifeless
Dream of death
Plan a funeral
Bridge
Bullet
Gas
Suffocation
Strangling
Pills
Sleep
End
No more
Waste of space
Rotten
Poisonous
Stings
Burns
Damaged
Damaged

Forge ahead

Sleep my soul
Let me rest
Calm my nerves
Anxiety in peace

Relax my heart
Steady my feelings
Adjust my emotions

Forge ahead
Don't give up
Hold on

Embrace the strength
Allow weakness
Feel the pain

Don't avoid
Don't withdraw
Don't dissociate

Feel
Be real
Be you
Be me

Through the clouds

Flying
So many ppl
Wrapped in their own lives
No one says hello
Don't notice others
A solitary mission

Flying
Through the clouds
Imitating the birds
Leaving one place
Anticipating arrival
Next destination

Anxious
So close to another
No name
No introductions
Sharing a space
A neighbor for the moment
Never to be seen again
Temporary neighbor
Mind wrapped in Thought
Spacing out

Antsy
Sitting still
Flying

Hypocrite

How low did I stoop
Don't recognize myself Anymore
Did the unimaginable

What happened to my morals
Where are my values
what do I stand for

Hypocrite

Lived enough
Solid pain
But no excuses

Who have I become
Unrecognizable
Like the rest of the world

Crossing lines
Pushing boundaries
Testing the limit

For what?

For a good moment
For a feeling
For attention

What does that make me
A monster
Just like them

And yet I can't stop
I don't even try
No effort put in

Movement

Staying alive
Living a life
Routine
Structure
Choosing to be
Present
Function
Productive
Awake

So much potential
Search for the truth
Stuck
Frozen
Immobile
Static
Numb

Small steps
Movement
Feeling
Change

Wasted space
Empty
Void
A shell

Move
Do it
Yes you can
Get up
Feel

One step at a time.

To the carrier of my ex husbands child,

Hi there second wife. I'm assuming Ur pregnant because it's been almost a month. And since I deprived him a child for two years, he's probably desperate. And I'm positive you're not on birth control. So i hope you're feeling extremely nauseous and sick! And that he doesn't take care of you like he didn't take care of me. And I hope it's a girl, because he's incapable of pleasing you enough to make a girl, if he can even please you at all. So enjoy all your future daughters, cuz the men in his family can't make sons! I hope you shine his shoes and bake him potato kugel because you gotta treat him like his mother did and make him feel like a king!
Sincerely,
I'll always be the first wife
The smart one

Who

Let myself fall
Feel
Care
Open up
Become
A shoulder
Is there a sign
Do I wear it
Here for you
Does it say
When in fact
Do I care
But
Always listen
There
Here
Night
Day
Can be found
Never forgotten
Details remembered
Dates
Numbers
People
Friends
Enemies
There
Here
But
Who
Is
On the other
Side
Who
Catches my
Non fallen
Tears

Who