Sunday, January 22, 2012

To the carrier of my ex husbands child,

Hi there second wife. I'm assuming Ur pregnant because it's been almost a month. And since I deprived him a child for two years, he's probably desperate. And I'm positive you're not on birth control. So i hope you're feeling extremely nauseous and sick! And that he doesn't take care of you like he didn't take care of me. And I hope it's a girl, because he's incapable of pleasing you enough to make a girl, if he can even please you at all. So enjoy all your future daughters, cuz the men in his family can't make sons! I hope you shine his shoes and bake him potato kugel because you gotta treat him like his mother did and make him feel like a king!
Sincerely,
I'll always be the first wife
The smart one

Who

Let myself fall
Feel
Care
Open up
Become
A shoulder
Is there a sign
Do I wear it
Here for you
Does it say
When in fact
Do I care
But
Always listen
There
Here
Night
Day
Can be found
Never forgotten
Details remembered
Dates
Numbers
People
Friends
Enemies
There
Here
But
Who
Is
On the other
Side
Who
Catches my
Non fallen
Tears

Who

Thursday, January 12, 2012

backwards wedding

i have an idea that most wouldnt like
they have this stupid process
that although I know how it goes
this is what i suggest

a backwards wedding
all the same invitations mailed
response cards received
guests and family sit and wait

Mesader kidushin can play role
Of head of beit din
Two eidim are given same privilege
Hell, pour a damn cup of wine

Skip badekin
Totally unnecessary
Do not wear any rings
And bring some tissues

The time has come
Nerves are all around
Knees are shaking
The crowd gets to watch

The groom, now husband
Escorted by his parents
Walks down first
To the end

His back is hunched
He wears a suit and a black hat
He hasn't shaved
His shoes are not polished

There is no music
Whispering in the audience
Coughing
Someone mouths "who knew?"

Next, the bride
Now wife
Refuses to be escorted
Her parents would not attend

Dressed in a blood red dress
With sunglasses
So that no one
can see her eyes

She makes her way
With her husband's back to her
As the crowd watches
Let everyone be a witness

As he utters the words
"you are free to be
With another man"
She is free

No longer man and wife
She removes her red veil
And runs
She is a bird

But he will never be free
The guests were all there
They should have been
At the backwards wedding









Wednesday, January 11, 2012

meds meds

theyre good for me
theyre good for you
ill show you mine
you show me yours

ill trade you some
blue for pink
100 mgs
1000 mgs

whoopdidoo
i love my meds
theyre the best
so much fun

no wait
who am i kidding
i am controlled
by a substance

i dont make decisions
a pill does
actually
7 pills do

and i take them
because some dr
tells me to
no one tells me to

i tell me to
i do what i do
no one knows me
not some dr

and pills
they dont help
they control
they manipulate

i dont need u
pills pills
u stay in
your little bottles

stay there
and look pretty
and im me
in control

swerve

Fuck u
Fuck all of U
Fuck them
Fuck Fuck FUCK
shit fuck fuck shit shit
rage
anger
burning
boiling
taking over
overtaking
running through
veins
blood
water
bridge
car
rain
swerve
reckless
lights
tires
screech
music
blasting
ringing
buzzing
Fuck
Fuck Fuck Fuck
shit fuck fuck shit shit

must take my meds.

Just Me

just me
this is for you

i have
a special
place
in my
heart
for you

dont ask
me why
dear sister
friend
kindred spirit

dare i 
say
the words
trust
love
feel
care
worry
think
miss
you

dare
you 
run
hide
shed
shrink
torment
target
ruin

just me
this is for you
dont ask
me why
dear sister
friend
kindred spirit

i am here.


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

evaporate

it comes
you come
to me
with me
and i should
should be
happy
thrilled
but i feel
miserable
rotten
like trash
each time
every time
all the
time
cant deal
dont 
want to 
move
want to 
sleep
need to
fold up
curl
into a 
ball
disappear
evaporate
leave me
be
but you come 
for a 
visit
refuse to 
leave
and now
i know
im reminded

im not a mother.
 period

and then 
i forget

Thursday, January 5, 2012

wait for it

wait in line
a level of frustration
no matter how hard
try
patient
be patient
i cant
bring 
myself
calm down
dont yell
dont shout
take a number
explain
next line
new counter
back in line
paperwork
take a seat
wait
blinking
numbers
minutes
hours
waiting
so slow
empty counters
patient
number called
phew
wrong line
back to seat
wait in line
called
finally

accomplish
nothing