Lyrical

Let me be myself
With my own light
If you dont mind
Please
For a while
All you do is treat me bad
Why must we separate
Why you do me like you do
When the night falls
When loneliness calls
I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
I still remember everything you said
How come you don't call me anymore
I'm begging you please
Why on earth can't you just pick up the phone
You know I don't like to be alone
It's a quarter after one
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey
Kind of hard to talk right now
I gotta whisper cuz I can't be too loud
Its really good to hear your voice saying my name
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
Maybe I know somewhere in my soul
That love never lasts
I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
Because none of it was worth the risk
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
You are the only exception
All the sounds you make
In between the sheets
Im so addicted to the sounds you make
Just when I think I can walk away

am i

confusion of who i am and what i am doing. why i am doing it. where am i going.  do i even want to go anywhere. why am i stuck. why dont i move. why am i static. yes i have dreams but im stuck. i cant take those steps to get there. i have a big heart. im even scared to dream. scared to think. scared to be alone in my thoughts. scared to be alone. and then again thats what i am. alone. what am i doing. who have i become. who was i. was i someone. was i anyone. did i really lead a life. was that the real me. was that a life. but why do i always think back to it. why do i get sad. why do i get jealous. jealous of a life that made me miserable. jealous of a life. period. wish i had a life. i know i need to build a new life. from scratch. all over again. so tired. too tired. one more person tells me im so young i might smack them. i feel so old. so tired. no energy. just need to sleep. and yet i avoid sleep. hate the dreams. hate how they take over. take me into the past. relive the pain. so realistic. cant stand being stuck in my thoughts. swimming in my fears. nightmares taking over. so i stay up. and then continue the nasty cycle. and i continue to get nowhere.

Plan a....

Worthless
Piece
Of
Shit
Meaningless
Lifeless
Dream of death
Plan a funeral
Bridge
Bullet
Gas
Suffocation
Strangling
Pills
Sleep
End
No more
Waste of space
Rotten
Poisonous
Stings
Burns
Damaged
Damaged

Forge ahead

Sleep my soul
Let me rest
Calm my nerves
Anxiety in peace

Relax my heart
Steady my feelings
Adjust my emotions

Forge ahead
Don't give up
Hold on

Embrace the strength
Allow weakness
Feel the pain

Don't avoid
Don't withdraw
Don't dissociate

Feel
Be real
Be you
Be me

Through the clouds

Flying
So many ppl
Wrapped in their own lives
No one says hello
Don't notice others
A solitary mission

Flying
Through the clouds
Imitating the birds
Leaving one place
Anticipating arrival
Next destination

Anxious
So close to another
No name
No introductions
Sharing a space
A neighbor for the moment
Never to be seen again
Temporary neighbor
Mind wrapped in Thought
Spacing out

Antsy
Sitting still
Flying

Hypocrite

How low did I stoop
Don't recognize myself Anymore
Did the unimaginable

What happened to my morals
Where are my values
what do I stand for

Hypocrite

Lived enough
Solid pain
But no excuses

Who have I become
Unrecognizable
Like the rest of the world

Crossing lines
Pushing boundaries
Testing the limit

For what?

For a good moment
For a feeling
For attention

What does that make me
A monster
Just like them

And yet I can't stop
I don't even try
No effort put in

Movement

Staying alive
Living a life
Routine
Structure
Choosing to be
Present
Function
Productive
Awake

So much potential
Search for the truth
Stuck
Frozen
Immobile
Static
Numb

Small steps
Movement
Feeling
Change

Wasted space
Empty
Void
A shell

Move
Do it
Yes you can
Get up
Feel

One step at a time.